your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
