are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
