Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
