So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
