I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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