Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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