Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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