I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
