Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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