Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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