I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
