bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize