There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
