The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm too high and old for this...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
