i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
