also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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