So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
