We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
