I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
