do herpes really smell.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
