if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
