Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
