How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
