before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My pussy is not your playground.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize