And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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