Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
