My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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