I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
