so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
