I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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