did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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