why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize