There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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