wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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