just come out here and I will go home with you...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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