Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
