I am in a vortex of obligation.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize