I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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