"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
