Can Purell be used as lube?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
