and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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