I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This baby is an asshole
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize