I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize