I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
