i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
