I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just had sex bonerless
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
