Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
