we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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