maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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