I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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