How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
