i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
