I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
