Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
