Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Randomize
