he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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