He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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