i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
