do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
