You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
