been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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