Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
