The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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