You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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