I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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