i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
