She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
