Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
