tell your sister to shave her snatch
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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