hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
