you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
