did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
