I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
