I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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