In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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