So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize