the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize