Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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