If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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