I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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