I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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