Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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