We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
