I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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