So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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